Money Power to Women!

‘We rule the world’… a statement that couldn’t have been uttered by women a few decades back, but now we can…right!!!


Yesterday
Milind Rao married Shubhalata, only after making it clear that he wants a wife who takes care of the household chores and proves to be a good home-maker, irrespective of any job she takes up, which eventually is not required…

Today
Manish Rao (son of Milind and Shubhalata Rao), is searching for a soul-mate who is well- educated, capable of taking major decisions, be it financial or familial, and of course, handling household responsibilities as well...

Our mindsets surely have undergone a radical change today; men and women both have changed over the decades. Gone are the days, when women were only expected to be good homemakers, taking care of the husband and family. With the changing times, along with the status, the expectations of and from women have also altered.

We, women, are qualified enough to take all the decisions concerning our lives and that of our family members…right from selecting a life partner to opting for a profession, to freezing on the kids’ primary school. We - the 'weaker sex' (is it???), now have a pivotal role to play in decision-making. Whether it is managing the routine household budget or handling the finances of a company; it is no longer a Herculean task for us. Wait, this is not all! We also contribute, in a major way, in the progress of the country’s economy, which is visible enough to silence anyone disagreeing with the fact. We have moved out of the imaginary limits set up by the conservative society, and have placed ourselves beyond the image of a home-maker. In fact, we have stepped out of those stereotyped vocations like teaching, stitching, nursing, etc., which were considered as the preferred, rather, the only job options available for us ages ago.

Thanks to the education in the country that has witnessed great heights, we now experiment with new professions, and successfully step into the once known as the male-dominated areas. We cannot deny that, over the years, urbanisation has also played an essential role in the women’s employment sector. However, even the rural parts have observed women coming out of the four walls, to prove to be a helping hand for the men in the family. Think of as many areas as you can, and you will find at least a handful of confident women standing with remarkable and honourable achievements, amidst the men.

Well, I am not being biased, but frankly speaking, it is not just literature, music, beauty or fashion where women have shown their brilliance; but they have also participated in science and technology, sports, law, banking and finance, management and journalism, as equally as men or even better, right girls???

Reason for the Change…

What do you think has contributed to our success? Besides the factors like education and globalisation, it is the ‘Economic Empowerment’ that we enjoy. Call it financial independence or economic freedom – it is something that has helped us clear up our image of being weak and dependant on our fathers or husbands or other male members of the family. Economic Empowerment is something that hardly existed for us about 20 years ago. This kind of economic stability in our lives was missing some two decades back.
With more and more women taking charge of the commercial sector very effectively, our lives have undergone several changes throughout. These changes are a part and parcel of our present lives. We don’t realise it, but, if we take a look at the past, we realise the difference…difference in terms of our professional and family lives.

Job or Career?

Wondering what the difference is between the two terms? The difference is not just the definition, but it is of 20 years. How? Although, revolution and westernisation have pulled us out of our sweet homes and made us earn an income for a living, our mums and possibly some grannies, who worked then, were simply into a JOB and not into a CAREER. They slogged hard and earned enough, but they were not a part of the rat race or any competition. Well, can’t blame them, as they were too devoted to their familial bonds and the demands of the in-laws. In spite of earning, most of the essential financial decisions were taken by their fathers and husbands after marriage. All their income was utilised in the household expenses, for the kids, or as per the decisions of the elders of the family.

It was unfortunate that, in spite of bringing in a major share of income, they hardly had any share in utilising it. Perhaps, that’s why, today, about 80-85% percent of women, in their retiring ages, are not financially secure, irrespective of their educational status. Good for the younger generation, as this is not the case today, surely. Today, we consider our professions, not just as a job, but as a career-building elevator. At the end of the day, what matters is that we have our own money to use, according to our wishes and convenience. We decide what amount should go for the kids’ education or into the joint account with hubby dear. We have our own bank accounts and various other facilities to avail. What can be more exciting and pleasing than buying a gift on your anniversary, with your own hard-earned money (without any share from the husband’s income)?

What can we do with it?

Well ladies, please understand, I do not mean to say that money is everything, but yes, it is something that gives us power in our hands, our thoughts and in our actions. It gives us that economic stability, which is closely associated with the other aspects of life, like decision-making. Financial independence improves the quality of our decisions. It makes us capable of confidently arriving at a conclusion and be firm on it… and also face the consequences of the same. Wait, here, I mean, by the money that we deserve, that we earn, by efficiently putting our education, knowledge and skills into the right place for the right use.

Besides, it gives us Social Security. Today, many of us are staying alone, are single or in live-in relations, or even as single moms. Many of us even take the decision of breaking off the marriage or engagement, without worrying about ‘log kya sochenge’. Do you think this was possible some 20 years back? Well, you know the answer for yourself. We really have come a long way to become this strong, isn’t it? However, strong women need not only be the educated ones. A home-maid, Vandana, who turned out to be capable enough to give her four sons and husband a comfortable lifestyle in the chawl, is also strong. In spite of a drunkard husband, she worked day and night and built a small storey above her room.

So what do you think?

So, all I want to say is, strong women are those who can stand up on their feet and take decisions, and be ready to face the consequences as well. Along with taking care of the household responsibilities and family members, they also manage their profession well. It’s the Economic Empowerment that makes them strong and independent. This has really changed the face of the world. Wonder how it will be in the future? What do you say, girls???

Is This the (B)END?

Is This the (B)END?
An average student of class 8th, not so good with his academics, was scolded and asked to get his parents along the next day, by his tuition teacher, committed suicide by hanging himself from the fan, when he was all alone at home.

Amrita Pujari (18) tried to kill herself, as she was afraid that her father who had already murdered her mother would also come after her.

A father who was unable to pay back a loan of Rs. 20,000/-, which he had borrowed from a reputed bank for his son’s education, inspite of several reminders, committed suicide out of shame and embarrassment caused.

So, what do find common in the above instances? SUICIDE??? No, it’s not suicide, but the pain and agony that exceeded the tolerance level of those individuals who were traumatised and thus considered as ending their lives a permanent solution to all their problems. We have witnessed such ‘n’ number of cases around us, where the troubled individual finds and opts for this deadly option to end their worries. Almost every leading newspaper carries atleast one suicide case daily. Well, many of us must have possibly been the affected person also. But is it really the only and acceptable option?

Acceptable Alternate???
The reply to which, all of us would say is ‘NO’. Spiritually speaking, the life given to us is the gift of GOD, and we ourselves do not have a right to finish it. Also, legally committing suicide is a crime, afterall, it is nothing but killing a life, only. Yet there are many who inspite of knowing the fact would trip down and would be contemplated to see this as the only option.
Now, here, one thing that needs to be understood is that, if you are feeling suicidal, it doesn’t mean that you are a week or a crazy person. All it means is that, your pains are going beyond your tolerance level rather your pain- coping resources are declining. Another important aspect is that, if you are feeling suicidal, that does not means that you have to die, but it means that you need to become stronger mentally than you are at the moment and face the world.

Factors leading to Suicidal tendency
Dr. Yusuf. A. Machiswala, a well-known psychiatrist, says that, “There are various factors which coerces a person towards committing suicide. Factors like depression and frustration are commonly known, but these emotions arises when his/her desires are not met or you can say when he/ she feels there’s nothing or nobody to live for; one out of fear or guilt can also come across this violent decision. Even being cheated by the most trusted or loosing faith in God or universal powers or even a feeling of being burden on someone can lead a person to take this big decision. Overall, the pessimistic thought pushes one towards attempting suicide.”
He also cites an incident that occurred last year in Mumbai, when a family out of a fear of loosing a court case, decided and committed suicide along with his family. Such cases are named as pact suicide, where a family or even many couples take a decision to kill themselves and commit suicide.
Many even commit suicide due to certain illness which are incurable or the treatment of which are unaffordable for the family. Some may also be frustrated from the long ailing period and thus take a decision to get free from it. Then there are suicide bombers, who are made to believe that, their act of killing the mass along with themselves, is nothing but a feasible movement for their country, religion etc. There are also ‘slow suiciders’, who either do not have the courage to kill themselves instantly or for some reason do not wish end their lives so easily. They start consuming drugs or other dangerous addictions. Not surprisingly, they also try to invite fatal viruses like HIV +ve in their blood streams, or stop eating or taking proper diet and thus gradually kill themselves. Not to forget, the poor farmers who due to financial constraints again find no better way than accepting death.

Identifying and Preventing the Suicidal Tendencies
Although, it is not very difficult to recognise the suicidal tendency, however it is difficult react appropriately to it. Dr. Machiswala says that, “Normally, a person will show some signs before committing suicide, one just has to understand them. He may directly give a cry for help, which in any case should not be overlooked.” He mentions about a models case, when she declared to her family and friends that she wanted to commit suicide as she was frustrated out of life, but they would just shut her by considering it nonsense and scolding her not to think of doing such acts. That indeed was a wrong move! As in many cases, it has been observed that the family does pay proper heed to such things resulting into unwanted situations. “Besides, the person may also show emotional attachments to family, friends, pets and even things around. He may undergo a change of mood, behaviour or even personality. Many would even prefer finishing up of pending jobs. Apart from these signs, some would write letters about their state of mind and reason for committing the crime on themselves,” he further adds.
If you ever notice your beloved one saying something unusual or in a bizarre manner, do not ignore it, try to understand what and why are these thoughts coming from him. Talk about it or even better approach for a professional help. “Professional help must be sought as soon as you identify suicidal tendencies. There are phyciatrists, psychologists, psychotherapist, counselling centres, help-lines, etc. who can avoid the catastrophic action,” advices Dr. Machiswala.

‘You and The Situation’
Give the above phrase a little thought. If ever you are feeling suicidal, the phrase, you never know can be the rescuing key. Assume there are two different aspects, first YOU and the second is ‘THE SITUATION’. In a way take the situation as a second person, with whom you are competing. Now, this situation in order to win will get worse and worse to force you to tumble down pushing you towards the darkness of depression and pain. And if this state of depression further darkens, severely, it will give you the thought of ending your life. If you fall down to the thought of suicide…you loose. But if you can overcome rather conquer the situation and stand still with a positive hope… you win the battle of life, you win your life.
While undergoing depression, the extreme farthest point you can see is your pains mounting up like the peak of the mountain, but you forget that after that peak is a slope drooping down towards the greener pasture.

Avoiding the Suicidal Tendencies
The thought of suicide is very active; it pushes and urges you. But you can always survive the suicidal feelings, either by finding a way to reduce your pain or by finding a way to increase your coping power. The best thing that you can do to avoid suicidal feelings is to speak to a trusted person about it. Well, many are bound to ignore your state, as they are unable to identify you in that severe condition. They may also react badly to your suicidal feelings, due to their anger or fear, which possibly will increase your pain instead of helping you. Be it your parents, friends or anybody, but choose the person who necessarily listens and understand you and make you understand. People, in order to seek relief from pain, turn towards suicide. However, understand that you will never experience any relief, a feeling after death.
As these days, it is observed that more and more of youngsters without thinking take such impulsive decision (of committing suicide), it is advisable that, schools and colleges as well should have special lectures on explaining the importance of life and living it.

‘Life is beautiful’ and it ought to be lived fully with all the happiness and the worries it brings with it. So if ever you get a suicidal feeling and you don’t find any solution over it, always remember, ‘this is not the final alternative available’ and this is not the end, it is just a bend!

Sibling Strife

Sibling Strife

In spite of the similar upbringing, they think and act differently only to create chaos everyday. What are the reasons that brings about some differences in the characters of sibling,...

“Mom, how dare she open my cupboard?”; “Dad, tell her not to touch my toys next time.” Aren’t you tired of listening to such statement everyday? For sure, if you have more than one child, this is one of the daily routine of your household? From the time the second child is born in the family, such conflicts are bound to begin. They are born and brought up in the same atmosphere, under same guidance, yet so unlike. Their eyes, nose and some other features too, look quite alike but their thinking might differ invariably. They fight among themselves for the same toys, pillow, books, attention or even for a particular side of the bed but support each other like the best pals in times of adversity.

Whether, they are elder- younger or even twins and no matter however, compatible they are, clashes, disagreements, quarrels, and conflicts are an unavoidable aspect of their relationship. More important is to take care that, these collide do not take up the shape of any kind of hatred or ill-feelings.

What are the most common causes, that create bumps in the siblings’ relation?

Attention-seeker

This characteristic of a kid can be observed from a very early stage of his life. Remember the day when your younger sibling stepped into the world, how did you react to it? Felt glad or bad? Well, Dinesh, an engineering student now, confesses that, after his younger sister Amrita was born, he felt neglected, “…as I was only 7 years old then and being the only child in the family, that too a male child, you can imagine the kind of treatment given to me. After all, I was used to the pampering by all. After Amrita was born, I could see my position tumbling, as I felt that she had captured everybody’s attention, which was only my possession.” Surely, this is not the case today, they share a very colloquial and comfortable relation now.

Unlike Dinesh, Sonal (who was 8 years old then), was overfilled with joy, when she saw her younger sister for the first time in the hospital. Sonal already had a younger brother and she was quite used to the practice of being called as an “elder person” by the family members.

Requirements

Or better words to put in will be evolving needs. Throughout their lives kids undergo several levels of changes where their priorities and identities changes. Let’s say, a tot is protective of his toys and if the other attempts to touch it, he might turn aggressive. Similarly, teenagers develop a different concept of equality and thus might fail to understand why their siblings falling under separate age groups are treated differently. Also, as they develop a sense of individuality and independence, they might rail against taking care of younger siblings or household responsibilities. Thus, the different phases of life also influence the way kids fight with one another.

Age Gap

The age gap also plays an influencing factor in deciding the nature of relationship the siblings share. Both positive as well as negative! Here, let’s take an example of Suraj (27), an executive and his younger sister Sunaina in her teens, who share an age difference of 13 years. “It’s so obvious that, I can not be frank and share things with my elder brother, as others do it. There’s a generation gap between us, not only in our age but also in our thoughts, thinking, opinions, and simply everything. Although, we do not fight over anything, but at the same time we don’t even agree for anything,” expresses Sunaina.

Well, on the other hand, it is generally observed that siblings with lesser age gap tend to be more close and comfortable with each other. I came across two sisters both in their early twenties (20’s). They feel at ease while sharing similar thoughts, clothes, other personal stuffs and even discussing their experiences (which at times, are difficult to talk about to anyone else). This is only because there’s more understanding among them as they are passing through the similar phase of life.

Replicate

Children learn from their surroundings. Most of all, they replicate their parents. The way in which you (parents) solve your problems sets a strong example for them. Therefore, if you and your spouse solve conflicts in a way that’s respectful, productive, and not aggressive, possibly your children will adopt those tactics when they run into problems with one another. If your kids see you habitually shout, slam doors, and provoking loud arguments when you have problems, they’re likely to pick up those bad habits themselves.

Comparison

Often parents and specially the older members of the family, have this tendency to compare the children with each other, in terms of academics (first and foremost), behaviours, looks, personalities and a whole lot of things. This may lead to an ill-feeling of jealousy or animosity and even bitterness. Often the different treatments given to them based on gender or age also ignites conflicts among them.

What can parents do?

Well, no body else know your children as better as you know them, right? If ever there are any conflicts among them, you as a parent are the best person who can solve it. Also the best reason is that, you must have faced similar situations earlier in your lives and can understand where exactly the problem lies. Certainly, parents are the best guides for children, but here are a few guidelines as to how you can handle the intricate situations, rather I would say, try and avoid them before arising.

Elder Child: It is very important for the first child (or an elder child) to understand his/ her responsibilities as an elder sibling. He should be felt trusted and a responsible person who can take care of the younger one rather than feeling burdened, an in-charge and answerable. This will help him in being affectionate towards the younger one rather than insecure and jealous.

Avoid Comparison:Parents should understand that your kids are different from each other. Their habits, nature, qualities, choices, likes-dislike, etc, all may differ invariably. Understand them. Well, you may seldom compare one with another with a positive vision of bringing about an improvement, but it may take a reverse turn. This needs to be done skillfully, and as far as possible avoid comparison.

Inculcate the Values: Since childhood, nurture the good thoughts in them and also the advantages of being together. Make them appreciate each others’ companionship and also realise the value of the deeds they do for each other. Also teach them to talk it out in case of any misunderstandings and keep a tendency to solve the problem peacefully.

Don’t Always Jump In: Allow your kids to handle their problems on their own. Avoid interfering unless it is too critical. Due to your regular interference, the kids will always wait for you to handle the problem rather then solving it out themselves, which indeed might lead to bigger problems.

Set Up Rules: Practicing the rules is as essential as setting them up, especially, in the initial juncture of their lives. They should be aware that cursing, name- calling, etc, are not acceptable and that there are certain consequences to be faced, if they break the rules. This will also teach them to be responsible for their activities rather than blaming others.

Make Them Feel Important: Every child, wants to be felt important and precious. No matter however busy you are, make it a point to give them enough time and appreciate them for small gestures, equally. Remember, you may not ignore them purposely, but any unintentional or inattentive act might make them feel ignored.

Family Meetings: Conducting family meeting, say once in a week or month, proves to be useful, particularly, when you have school going children at home. Repeating the rules and keeping a check that they are been followed becomes easy.

These days, parents are very understanding and are best friends to their kids, but often after a particular period of life, say teenage, kids find difficulty in including or taking parents’ opinion in their personal matters. Then it’s siblings whom one can look up to. While many kids are lucky enough to become the best of friends with their siblings, it’s very common for brothers and sisters to fight. These fights and quarrels are a part and parcel of this relation, where you swing back and forth, between adoring and detesting one other!

They have succeeded today

They have succeeded today

They did it today that had never happened before,They have succeeded today and maybe to last for tomorrow.

Never did the ghost of darkness haunted, nor did the ghouls that wailed,
Never did the horror of the tales affected, nor did the bad dreams prevailed.

The Tsunami that swapped thousands from the coast,
Was so impassive and untouched to me.
The cracks in the land that swallowed lives and money,
Remained unbothered, and at a distance of the sea.

Never for the innocent beings, did a drop of tear ran down,
Who were lost amidst the rubbles, yet their corpses never found.
Never was I shaken by the pain of those who were set ablaze,
On the wheels of disaster, that ran on tracks of maze.

The floods always seemed harmless,as it did no bad to me,
Though, it killed a plenty andreturned back to its serenity.
The explosions and blasts, to me, were aliens far away,
The slaughtering and killing never crossed my way.

But today they have achieved victory in disguise,
For that has never risen before, my fear is about to rise.

Yes, today I am scared of being one among those thousands,
Who did nothing to be battered, yet were killed by cruel hands.

Yes, today I scared as I am yet to achieve a lot in life,
Be a good human, a leader, a mother and a wife.

Yes, today I scared for my life has just begun,
And I do not want to collapse, before finishing the run.

They say, they have terminated those who has molested the calm and peace of the city,
But the truth remains, that from the layers of rocks beneath has raised the beast of anxiety.

Yes, today they really did it that had never happened before,
They have succeeded today and maybe to last for a hundred tomorrows.

DISCOVERING LOVE

DISCOVERING LOVE

Once a young lad with innocent eyes,

Posed me a question with a sweet smile.

“What is the most beautiful thing in this world?”

Were the few little words he shyly uttered.

LOVE – I replied, without giving the query a thought.

Difficult question! No it was not.

“And where does it exit?” he asked with a gaze.

Leading me to an endless thoughtful maze.

To answer such a question how difficult it was,

Yet I gathered words and said after a long pause.

“In a father’s pat,

And a mother’s touch.

In a sister’s words,

And a brother’s hug.

Arms of a friend when he consoles you.

And times when strangers lend us help too.”

With a contented heart I thanked the child and said,

“Had it not been for your doubt, you see

I would have never discovered that

Love exists all around you and me.”